My Brother Sammy

This is my life... it's pathetic, it's lonely. I basically have no friends. I mean the close ones in regards to locations. The ones that you go shopping with, watch movies... how do I end up here? I had a 'Sam Winchester' once in my life. I was Dean and this person is my Sammy without the 'wincest'. But my Sam is sadly not Sam Winchester, my Sam is more worst than Sam Winchester. My Sam does not know what is the meaning of honesty, friendship, love and family.  My Sam did more than just fuck around with Ruby. My Sam became Ruby and like any other demon, they lied, they betray and then they stab you in the back. Do I have regret for being Dean to this Sam? I don't know, maybe I do, maybe I do. Through the years I grew up, my Sam was a constant, thus then I was happy. But regrettably, My Sammy does not know what Dean meant. My Sammy had Dean all this while, since the very beginning, do not know how to appreciate that.

Some people say, I made the wrong choice when I decide to be Dean to my Sam, but I guess if things do not happen the way it does, then I would not know. I would not know how a person could do a 180 degree and turn into someone you don't know anymore. You read it a lot in the fiction, watch it on TV, but now I know how it feel. If I could say, I made wrong choices, I guess I could put it on the things that I choose during my studies.  I imagine life without Sammy going through university.. I would still end up alone here today I guess with no friends in the same location

But in the end, I realise I'm no Dean Winchester because Dean would take Sam just as he is... tainted with demon blood and all. But what would Dean do, if Sam turns into a demon?
Dean would try and save Sam, I think. But I'm not Dean... and I don't save Sam. Is  it because we're not of blood like the real Winchesters? Would I want to save my Sammy, if we were blood?

I don't know...